For a long time, I felt stuck. Stuck in
the same routine. Every day, work eat sleep repeat. That has been my
life for the last...well I don't even know. Its funny how quickly you
can get used to the same routine and lifestyle, and before long 4
years of your life have passed and you haven't really done anything!
There's a big wide world out there, and all I have seen is a very
miniscule part of it.
Now one of my own little mantras in
life is “Everything happens for a reason”, its something I've
found quite comforting during my adult life.
Fast forward to the present day. I had
just started a two week break from work, something I had been looking
forward to for so long, when I got a text from my manager asking me
to come in for a meeting. “Oh great” I thought, my first day off,
its 930 in the morning and I'm back at work.
The meeting went on for about an hour,
during which we were told the company we were working for were making
some cut backs. We were a team of 5, and we needed to become a team
of 4. Someone had to go. There had been talk during the meeting about
relocating one of us to another store, or if anybody wanted to they
could apply for voluntary redundancy. As soon as I heard the words, I
started thinking about the possibility. Could, no should I apply for
it? Financially, we have never been worse off than we are right now.
I had recently taken out a loan for a new car, the other half had
quit his job and had only recently got a new part time job, but still
I couldn't help thinking about the possibilities that redundancy
could afford me. Now don't get me wrong, if I was to apply for it, it
wasn't going to be a huge sum of money, but it would be enough to
allow me the opportunity to take some time out and decide what
direction my life was heading in.
After many days deliberating about it,
I relied upon one of my other mantras in life “..Ah fuck it” and
I filled out my form and handed it in. Was it the right decision? No
probably not, but I cannot lie to you, the absolute relief I felt
taking charge and doing something that was pretty out of character
for me, was amazing. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from
my shoulders. I had to wait a week before finding out if they had
accepted it or not. The decision was in...it had been accepted. Oh
god, know what was I going to do?! The following 4 weeks went by in a
daze, until my last week came. I don't think I truly appreciated the
friendships I had built over the last 8 years. Day in day out, seeing
the same familiar faces, hearing the stories about their children,
their new diet. These are the people that I have seen more than I had
seen my own family. That was difficult, saying goodbye to people that
had been a huge part of my formative years.
My last day came and went. The weekend
came and went. Then Monday rolled around. Ah Monday, you had been my
enemy for so long. That fight to get up as a new week approached. The
horrible alarm, the traffic, seeing everyone else's “Monday face”.
But on this particular Monday, there was no alarm, no traffic, and
the only faces I saw was the happy faces of Martin and Lucy from
Homes Under the Hammer. After leaving school at 16 and working in
full time employment until just recently, I had found myself at a bit
of a loose end. What the hell was I going to do? Oh don't get me
wrong, it felt bloody amazing! I woke up when I wanted, had a coffee
and chilled. So was that it? Was I just going to sit here and do this
until the money ran out? Then find some other menial job and find
myself just as depressed in ten years time? I allowed myself one
week. One week of lounging around, watching day time TV, playing an
unholy amount of Sims 4. I figured, hey I deserved a week off? But
sure enough that week flew by and right now as I type this, its
Tuesday of my second week of unemployment. Yesterday was better, I
actually got out of my PJ's, but I still hadn't made a plan. Now
don't get me wrong, I still haven't got a concrete plan, but I have
an idea, and that's a good start.
So my first thoughts were, “I should
write”. I like to write, it has a calming effect on me, plus I have
my blog so why not chuck what ever leaks out of my head up on there.
Which is what this is. (God I have such a way with words). I don't
want to waste this time. It would be far too easy to sit and do
absolutely nothing. (It comes far too easy to me). Now when people
say they do nothing, but they actually potter about and get little
bits done, well I'm not talking about that sort of nothing, I'm
talking Wren nothing, where I literally sit there and look into
space, stuck in my own thoughts, and before I know it 45 minutes have
passed.
I've taken some inspiration from
reading peoples bucket lists. I've always loved the idea of writing
my own list, but instead of it being the classic “before you kick
the bucket” I've decided its going to be before a new year starts.
Over the next couple of weeks, I will be making a start on this list,
which I have decided to call “26 things for 26 years”. I plan on
ticking all of the tasks off before 2017 rolls around!
In my next blogpost I will be putting
up my 26 things, If you have any suggestion or ideas of how to help,
it will be greatly appreciated!
This is a very scary time for me. No
job and all I have is an idea... should be interesting!
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